The spirit curse

I do not want to tell you about me,that would be too easy. I could tell you about my play and the change BUT that would not give you the information that you need. I do not want to speak, my biology means this is not easy for me. I must pull threads from other worlds and bring a chorus of vibrations to Earth, to yield the body that knows my soul, so instead I will tell you about the body that I chose to control. The body that let me take hold.  The body that ignites my soul. 

I killed her, the child that wandered past the mountaintop and into the sky. I killed her  with a quick slip of my knife and I let their body decompose into the ground. Her screams held a beautiful sound as she mewed into the stars, my combusting breaths, taking over her heart. Bloom fostered around her shell as she yelled into galaxies that we would eventually lead.   

She pleaded for me to let her go, to let her return home, to a place where she could be free, be human, what irony. No human has been free since EVE and I am a beast that wants to change this reality. She wandered to me, her body should have stayed at the tip of Earth but she longed for a hydration that we call the spirits curse. All humans want to be saved but few do the work that is needed every day. 

I whispered into her skin, her back bending to my call, 

“You are mine.”

 She shivered and pleaded. I repeated my longing. 

“You are mine.” she pleaded and begged – 

 “Is this how you treat a friend? Is this how you treat your death, hold some fortune before your end.” 

Her eyes crowded into an ocean and she silenced her tears into soft moans and I moved closer to her bone- hungry for her flesh. As I approached from behind, she whispered an intelligible sound and took a bite from the density of my dark clouds- my spirit lurching into a shadow that towered above us both.

  It was then I realized this child was mine and I was hers.  She had wandered to  me but I had called her from earth. Her scream vibrated into my ear and as it finished its last echo, I asked her what she feared and she whispered, losing the feeling of you near.  

I will not make this simple for you. I will not make this into something that can end. This is just the beginning and I am a beast that knows, you are hungry for what you can not control.

Bad love

You know her name, she killed you last night. Took your blood and dragged you up the stairs to her lair. It was there she made you breathless. You liked knowing she could do this to you. You liked giving her control until you realized you never gave it to her. She took it. When she smiled at you across the room, you were helpless to do anything but smile back. Your skin tingles and it feels like a  snake wrapped around your stomach making its two heads bite slowly into your nipples, elongating your neck towards her teeth. You were hungry for change and she was full of a madness you could not explain. How could someone so beautiful want you? As soon as she walked in, she commanded the room. Now you were in her bed, breathless and starving for whatever she would feed you. Her lips made their lips  way down your chest. You only know brutal love and she is made of sharp knives. You felt helpless and sweet and she whispered, Tell me what you need? 

You wanted to say my breath. I want my breath. I want to feel held and loved. I want patient love, I want to feel at peace with those who desire me but instead you smile and kiss her back.  

She drags you up the stairs each night and each night you give her your life.

My friend

Death is the only process I trust. Its winding door-slips open with ease and winds all molecules into metamorphic catalysts.  Sweet serenades of calamic chaos. A rhythm that few choose but all will know. 

Fairytales

There is a place where I exist. It is far far away, in the fairytales they spoke of this realm. I now know this place to be true. It is mystical and magical and always in bloom but it is very lonely too. Magical places often are, how can they not be, so few believe in the mythical worlds of dreams but this is where I grow my need and where I learn to believe. I used to be afraid to lay my soul down in a place that was so far but now I know my body awaits. It stays by the gate of time while my spirit flies, taking refuge in realms where the dead breathe and become like fallen leaves. When I return to my body my heart shakes the ground, earthquakes are the sound of our return. I feel free. In these moments, fairytales are truths that few believe. 

.

Everyone is more beautiful than I. 

They write honest lines. 

They don’t wear a disguise. 

They don’t hide. 

They show their scars. 

They proudly carry their marks.  

Their burdens, 

are responsibilities they share. 

They are more beautiful than me. 

They share what is inside- 

I am a tavern. 

I am a cave. 

An opening wide enough, 

To gather and play- 

The depths of the darkness 

Are what keep most away.  

promises

We used to run and skip to each other’s heartbeat. We made promises that we would never leave. It did not seem naive, how could we be, we had experienced what few knew- shame is what others give to you. We would never give that to each other. Monsters are hungry for young souls and we said we would be with each other until we turned old. 

Do you remember when I came into the world? I remember when you came into mine, when I realized that you were by my bedside each night. Comforting me with your light. 

How do you fly without wings? 

How do trees grow without roots? 

How do fish swim without water? 

I love you. I can not leave you. 

I never did, my body is just one part of me. 

My soul was always by your side. Did your ghosts cover them up- did your monsters make them hide? Did they lie and say I had left?  

You were my best friend. I could never leave you, not even if I tried. My monsters were loud, I wanted to silence them so I could hug you tight, so I could be what we promised each other in the middle of the night. 

Our heartbeats play on different beats. Mine is silent and filled with heat. 

Our promises are long forgotten.Your fear turned me to stone. I stood there as you told me to leave our childhood home. 

Could you love me- 

Again- 

If we were friends I would believe you, but since you are my sister I know that the love you felt for me stopped when my body left you. 

A Child God meets a Temporal Seed.

Child God

We are infatuated with you, you are sweet. We like the blood that runs to your cheeks when we tell you what we need. We know you want our  love but we can’t give such a thing, it would rip you into infinite fruits but you like that sensation- the allure of death. I refuse to share, I am fond of your temporal bones. You do not want this curse,to remember and feel everything, to sit idle while worlds disappear. You are a seed. A moment meant to please. 

You salivate and we lick away each drop of fear. To clear the path, to HERE. 

Temporal Seed

I can not see. There are too many open doors.  I scream.  I hear my change. Leaves gather and  echo into chambers of my heart. You told me that it was the size of my fist so I clench and bang them ruthlessly along the corridors of time.  I am driven insane. I feel the clarity of bloom. Is this what you feel? I am yours. I am yours. I am yours. I am yours. Open your door. I will wait. 

I am hungry for your call. 

Child God

You lay your head on our lap, in surrender and sweet submission. We let you move your limbed body in the crest of our knee, you are tender and supple, so we do not move.  We can crush you but we love you. This is how we know we are young, in the face of eternity. We are still humored by your temporality, still enchanted by your loneliness. You need our guidance, enmeshed by our touch. We listen to each beat of your heart, such a feeble thing. It does not sing without our pluck. It would not know what to do. We will not crush you. 

We  listen to your call, to your needs so we can control your temporal feast. We are hungry for the feeling of time. A twinkle in the night sky that surrounds the eternity of our minds. We blink and the crest of our knee envelopes you like the ocean, you fall into the abyss, your call is a whisper exploding into a silent scream. 

Finally you see what it means to love a child God like thee. We are hungry, mischievous and sweet and your life has fed only our knee. We do not remember your name but we anticipate and reminisce on the chase that brought you close. There are no closed doors; love opens them all.  

One night.

It hurt me to hold you

My back not yet trained 

To hold another body 

With feelings 

A

Name 

A shame 

I

Can not contain 

Midnight

I see you are scared, just like me. Do you like your fear? I like mine, it helps me feel alive. It helps me know a few things. 

1. You are human 
2. You feel, I see it in your eyes. Puddles, Pools and Prisms of light. 
3. You are sensitive but hide, with generous sight and careful intuition. 
4. You have good intentions. 

How do we convince ourselves of love? 

I fall in love with ego, obsession, worship, alcaldes yet I always surrender to the truth. 

Ideas. Am I an idea to you? Or am I human too? How can anyone fall in love with a beast like me? 

You smile, it feels like it has  been a while, I never want it to disappear. You stay beside me and my ideas become clear. 

Love is similar to fear, they both possess but your love makes me overcome the fear that I can not wrestle or subside. My skin won’t let it fade and you are convinced by your side that I need to stay.  I stay there until I die and you remember the fear I had when I was not in your sight. 

Sensations.

It was a disaster. I do not know what it means to love. 

I fall in love with sensations, the tingling, touch. The want, the need, the infatuation to please, to surrender, to the next moment. I am what you expect, a caring soul, with no home to call their own. I love sensations, the feeling that one feeling could last forever, it is the poet in me and I do not try to hide this monstrosity. I am honest, I say it from the first moment we meet. I love the feeling of you, how you make me feel, how you feel, it is bloom. The sensation of you is fruit. I am hungry for all of you. 

I like to hide, like the seed of taste. It takes a long time to get inside.

 Most people fall in love with their reflection. I do not mind this- I am there too, a shadow of their blooming truth. It is a sweetness, I like to hold onto. I am what you expect, hungry to get into intellectual beds and emotional feasts that make vulnerability the appetizer and desire the dessert. There are always hungry people and I like to fulfil. Before they get inside, I whisper. I tell them, the sensation was true but now I want another fruit, they whisper, I love you and I feel horrible until I reach towards the new sensation bubbling, forcing its way into my heart. Bloom always starts.    

Space Included Nature

In the darkness two celestial beings met. 

Space: Very few entered the eternal party. In order to be let in, one must have lived a handful of temporal lives and learnt the uniting lessons of their soul.

Aliens get distracted like living things, they change. 

Included: This is a story of action not words. 

Nature:  What is it you said to me, the day we met? ‘You wish I was dead.’ 

That was not easy, after all the fear, after all that time, you still wished that I would die. What is the point of past lives, if you do not join the present. I was shocked to say the least. I could not believe you would say that to me- so confidently you declared this horrible act. 

So of course, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I smiled and said Thank You. 

You grunted and pushed past me into the cue-while I walked to the front, knowing I would be let in- grudges are a sin, in the world of space. 

It slows down everything, even the worlds we create. 

F.R.U.I.T

I once knew a child, they were beautiful and strange and had a soul as old as time and a heart that was broken and mended by lights and shadows. Our  child held the spirit of the moon. Their heart was akin to an oak tree that lived on top of a mountain by the sea. Our child was not loved by those that lived, or by those who were visible to the naked eye but rather they were held and treasured by the unseen, by spirits that commanded belief. They were loved by infinity. They were loved by change. 

They would dance and scream and play games alongside the cliff- pushing their back into the wind- fueling their invisible wings that had once soared but now were memories that fluttered slowly to earth’s floor- giving them hope that one day they will fly once more.

One day the child turned to the sea  and whispered “Love is birth. Love is truth. Love is becoming. Love is  bloom. Love is arrival. Love is safe. Love does not need to be forever for it to last always.”  

At this moment, the child smiled at the tree and fell to their knees and their hearts were united once again. We all heard whispers and tales from the tree, its giggles and leaves fluttering playfully in the breeze. Our child’s eyes never stopped searching for  new roots and caressed the darkness of life in the seeds that landed by its side. Our child never stopped loving and neither should you, for what are we if not a wandering spirit hoping for bloom.